Twilight (Fair warning adult language used)

I knew I'd get here eventually, my Twilight rant. I have a lot to say about this book. I have read parts of the series and have attempted to watch the movie. As an avid book reader this book appalls my sense of what a book is. Yes it qualifies as a book, but that does not make it quality. Hundreds of books that (may be) quality are ignored everyday. This was not. Again adult language used. Do not read if one you like Twilight and don't want to read about my dislike of it or two you don't approve or are too young to read inappropriate language. Thank you.
1. Vampires do not sparkle in the sun like a thousand diamonds. They burn up into pillars of amazing fire and die horrible deaths at the mere brush of the dawn light on their sensitive skin. Hundreds of reasons why this is (I like the World of Darkness theory. Go Helios burn those heathens)believe whatever one you want. The sun and Vampires do not get a long.

2. Teenagers do not act like that. I was a teenager (recently actually) and yes I believed I had found my true love. I sure as heck didn't wait for us to get married to consummate that relationship. Even Romeo and Juliet weren't that perfect. That just doesn't happen (that often) anymore. Especially when a Vampire is involved. Half of feeding for Vampires is sexual.

3. Vampires cannot have kids. It is physically impossible. Want to know why? They don't have blood to activate that little part of their body to create life. Life comes from life. Does not happen when there is no action going on down there. Anne Rice said it herself, she failed to keep true to that, but at lest she admitted it from the beginning.

4. Vampires cannot be "vegetarians" doesn't work. They need human blood after a while. Animal blood temporarily sustains them (if at all). Edward would have fed off of Bella the first time they had sex no matter what. The control that he fought so hard for while stalking her would have gone out the window once the got that close (not that he would be able to even get it up). Ignoring that. He would start to fail and would eventually go into tourper (not actually sure if that is spelled right since I've never seen it written down sorry) from lack of nutrients. He needs blood just like I need protein. Animal blood will not suffice for extended periods of time.

5. Jakob (Jacob?) Rule 9 of the litany. Need I say more? I don't care if you didn't know it was true or not. You should have been taught properly from a young age you do not talk about that outside of the family. You lifted the veil you should have been punished.

6. To Stephanie Meyer: If you are going to write a genre book, look at the other stories from said genre. I'm not going to write a military sci-fic without reading some Heinlein, Carr, Turtledove or Webber (not in any particular order...except how quickly I could find the names (I don't read these guys ever (except Heinlein "Stranger in a Strange Land" Awesome book totally recommend it))). So what I'm trying to say Meyer is you don't just go writing a story willy nilly you look into established myths of that genre. Ok I admit Military is a lot different than the vampire genre in that is a real thing (no offensive if you believe vampires actually exist). If I wrote a military book I better have done my research because some Seal would come knocking on my door and probably hand me my book and it'd be full of red pen marks like high school all over again...which brings me to my next point.

7. HIGH SCHOOL SUCKED! I wouldn't do it over again if you paid me to. No way no how. College ok fine. Sure why not have the kids go to college that's awesome. High school really? Or did you just want to fulfill some Mary Sue fantasy?

8. I bring up the Mary Sue comment because Edward can read minds (viable not arguing that) I'm arguing that Bella was the ONLY person who he had never been able to read the mind of ever I don't care who you are, but that is a Mary Sue point.

9. Relationships focused around the two people and only ever them don't work. The tension gets to be too much and it will break. People need outside (of the relationship) activities. Friends that they don't share (maybe don't even know each other) it doesn't really mater as long as they have someone to complain about his nervous nail biting habit because he can't eat her neck (don't actually know if he does this, but I would be if I were him), or her inability to have full conversations, or that she puts too much softener in the wash. I don't care what it is, but it is there waiting (I learned this from "Ella Enchanted" way before it was going to even become a movie because it was a good book with actual depth to the main characters).

10. I specified main characters there just now because the side characters had more depth. Like the girl in the wolf pack who had a crush on one of the other guys she has more depth than Edward and Bella together.


Just so you know I haven't even tipped the ice burg on what I have to say about this series. I'm half tempted to read it just to have more ammo. When I'm not up late with a stuffy head I'll post more about this because I'm far from done. Thank you for putting up with me and my rant for the...week(?) have a nice day. :)